Changes: I'm a doctor, not a...

Revision as of 20:21, 5 March 2014

Template:Realworld I'm a doctor, not a... is a famous catch phrase and snowclone used in Star Trek. Originally used by Dr. Leonard McCoy in Star Trek: The Original Series, the phrase lived on in various other incarnations of Star Trek and was used by both Julian Bashir and The Doctor, among others. Dr. McCoy's original delivery of the phrase varied with emotional intensity, from extreme frustration to light-hearted sarcasm. Subsequent uses in later series also mirrored this performance. This iconic phrase has also appeared in other media as both a parody and homage to the show.

Usage

Dr. Leonard McCoy

"What am I, a doctor or a moon-shuttle conductor?" (TOS: "The Corbomite Maneuver")
"My dear girl, I'm a doctor. When I peek, it is in the line of duty." (TOS: "Shore Leave")
"I don't know, Jim. This is a big ship. I'm just a country doctor." (TOS: "The Alternative Factor")
"Me, I'm a doctor. If I were an officer of the line..." (TOS: "A Taste of Armageddon")
"What do you mean what sort of work? I'm a doctor." (TOS: "This Side of Paradise")
"I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer." (TOS: "The Devil in the Dark")

...to which Kirk replies, "You're a healer, there's a patient. That's an order."

"I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist." (TOS: "The City on the Edge of Forever")
"I'm not a scientist or a physicist, Mr. Spock..." (TOS: "Metamorphosis")
"Look, I'm a doctor, not an escalator." (TOS: "Friday's Child")
"I'm a doctor, not a mechanic." (TOS: "The Doomsday Machine")
"I'm a doctor, not an engineer." (TOS: "Mirror, Mirror")

...to which Montgomery Scott immediately replied, "Now, you're an engineer."

"I'm not a magician, Spock, just an old country doctor." (TOS: "The Deadly Years")
"I will not peddle flesh! I'm a physician." (TOS: "Return to Tomorrow")
"I'm a doctor, not a coal miner." (TOS: "The Empath")
"I'm not a mechanic, Spock..." (TOS: "The Empath")
"I'm a doctor, Spock ... a doctor! Get us beamed aboard!" (TAS: "Albatross")

During one episode of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, DeForest Kelley spoke the line "I'm not a doctor, I'm a convicted murderer."

Dr. Leonard McCoy (alternate reality)

"I don't need a doctor, damn it, I am a doctor!" (Star Trek)
"I'm a doctor, Jim, I'm busy!" (Star Trek)
"Damn it, man, I'm a doctor, not a physicist!" (Star Trek)
"Damn it, man, I'm a doctor, not a torpedo technician!" (Star Trek Into Darkness)

According to screenwriter Roberto Orci, the line "I'm a doctor, not a physicist," was one of several "nods" to the original series that the writers tried to make seem natural, rather than shoe-horned-in efforts to win goodwill from the fans. "That sort of line and that sort of coupling," said Orci, "is good in any context whether it's the first time or the tenth time you've heard Bones say something like that, because it was specific to the situation and it was elucidating to his character." (SFX, issue #200, p. 60)

Dr. Julian Bashir

"Garak, I'm a doctor, not..." meaning a spy or an investigator, but Garak interrupted him. (DS9: "Past Prologue")
Garak says "I'm no more a spy than you are..." Julian interrupts, saying "A doctor." (DS9: "Cardassians")
"I'm a doctor, not a botanist." (DS9: "The Wire")
"I'm a doctor, not an historian." (DS9: "Trials and Tribble-ations")
Variation as Julius Eaton: "We're writers, not vikings." (DS9: "Far Beyond the Stars")

The Doctor

"I'm a doctor, Mr. Neelix, not a decorator." (VOY: "Phage")
"I'm a doctor, not a bartender." (VOY: "Twisted")
"I'm a doctor, not a voyeur." (VOY: "Parturition")
"I shouldn't have to remind you: I'm a doctor..."

...interrupted by Torres: "...not an engineer. Right, but..." (VOY: "Prototype")

"I'm a doctor, not a performer." (VOY: "Investigations")
"I'm a doctor, not a counterinsurgent." (VOY: "Basics, Part II")
"I'm a doctor, not a database."

...to which Henry Starling responds: "I'd say you're a little bit of both." (VOY: "Future's End, Part II")

"I am a doctor, not a peeping Tom, there's nothing I haven't seen before." (When catching Lt. Torres in the sonic shower.) (VOY: "Drone")
"I'm a doctor, not a battery." (VOY: "Gravity")
"I'm a doctor, not a dragon-slayer." (VOY: "Bliss")
"I'm a doctor, not a zoo-keeper." (VOY: "Life Line")
"I'm a doctor, not an engineer." (VOY: "Flesh and Blood")

According to Template:Brokenlink, during Picardo's audition, the final scripted line for the reading was, "I believe someone has failed to terminate my program," and he finished his audition with the ad libbed "I'm a doctor, not a nightlight." However, when encountering the example in "Phage", Picardo was apparently unfamiliar with the tradition at first. He later recalled, "When I read that script I just thought it was a joke. Then I was told on the set this is a Bones line. I guess I remember him saying lines like that." (Cinefantastique, Vol. 27, No. 4/5, p. 40)

The example from "Parturition" was invented by Picardo himself. He remembered, "I suggested the 'I'm a doctor, not a voyeur' line, which also made it into [an] episode." (Cinefantastique, Vol. 28, No. 4/5, p. 97)

By the end of the second season of Voyager, Robert Picardo had become aware of the audience's appreciation for these lines and had invented a version that ultimately never made it into an episode. The actor commented, "The audience seems to get a kick out of whenever I invoke the spirit of Dr. McCoy." Laughing, Picardo added, "I hope someday to have a scene with Harry Kim, where I say, 'Damn it, Kim, I'm a doctor not a blank [whatever task the script demands.]' That would really be tweaking them one step further." (Cinefantastique, Vol. 28, No. 4/5, p. 97)

Dr. Phlox

"I'm a physician, not an engineer." (ENT: "Doctor's Orders")

Starfleet EMHs

USS Enterprise-E EMH Mark I: "I'm a doctor, not a doorstop." (Star Trek: First Contact)
USS Prometheus EMH Mark II: "I am a doctor, not a commando." (VOY: "Message in a Bottle")

Variants

The Original Series

James T. Kirk: "I'm a soldier, not a diplomat." (TOS: "Errand of Mercy"); "You keep saying that. Are you a doctor, or aren't you?" (TOS: "Amok Time"); "These are people, not robots." (TOS: "The Apple")
Karl Jaeger: "I'm a scientist, not a military man." (TOS: "The Squire of Gothos")

The Next Generation

William T. Riker: "This is geology, not malevolence." (TNG: "Pen Pals")
K'Vada: "This is a military vessel, not a pleasure craft." (regarding his Bird of Prey in TNG: "Unification I")
V'Sal: "I'm just a barber, not a miracle worker!" (TNG: "Data's Day")

Deep Space Nine

Gaila: "I'm a weapons dealer, not a soldier." (DS9: "The Magnificent Ferengi")
Cardassian Security Officer: "This is a jail, not a hotel." (DS9: "Sacrifice of Angels")
Dukat: "That's justice, not malevolence." (DS9: "Waltz")
Crewman Kellin: "I'm sorry captain, but I'm an engineer, not a magician." (DS9: "The Siege of AR-558")
Gilora Rejal: "We're scientists, not diplomats." (DS9: "Destiny")
Martok: "Why? You're a bartender, not a warrior." (DS9: "Shadows and Symbols", to Quark)
Miles O'Brien: "I'm an engineer, not a philosopher." (DS9: "It's Only a Paper Moon")
Odo: "I'm a security chief, not a combat pilot." (DS9: "Vortex")
"This is work, not recreation." (DS9: "The Ascent")
"I'm a changeling, not a solid." (DS9: "In Purgatory's Shadow")
"I'm not a God, I'm a security officer." (DS9: "Treachery, Faith and the Great River")
Benjamin Sisko: "This is not a request, it's an order." (DS9: "In the Pale Moonlight")
"He's not a detective, he's an engineer." (DS9: "Prodigal Daughter", about Miles O'Brien)
Douglas Pabst: "I'm a magazine editor, not a crusader." (DS9: "Far Beyond the Stars")
Julius Eaton: "Calm down dear boy. We're writers, not Vikings." (DS9: "Far Beyond the Stars")
Worf: "I am a warrior, not a murderer." (DS9: "Broken Link")
Quark: "You're asking me? You're the terrorist, I'm just a bartender." (DS9: "Favor the Bold", to Major Kira)

Voyager

The Doctor: "This is a sickbay, not a conference room." (VOY: "Caretaker"); "They're Klingons, not kittens." (VOY: "The Killing Game, Part II"); "This is sickbay, not an arsenal." (VOY: "Bliss"); "She's a counselor, lieutenant, not an engineer." referring to Deanna Troi (VOY: "Life Line"); "This is a sickbay, not a dormitory." (VOY: "Demon"); "This is a Federation starship, not the Barge of the Dead!" (VOY: "Repentance"); "It's not justice, it's revenge." (VOY: "Repentance")

Diagnostic Hologram: "I'm a diagnostic tool, not an engineer." (VOY: "The Swarm"); (said of The Doctor): "It wasn't programmed to be a tenor, it was programmed to be a physician." (VOY: "The Swarm")
Tom Paris: "I'm a pilot, Harry, not a doctor!" (VOY: "Message in a Bottle")
B'Elanna Torres: "I'm an engineer, not a costume designer." (VOY: "Virtuoso")
Harry Kim: "They're scientists, not soldiers." (VOY: "Nightingale")
Neelix: (Quoting Captain Janeway, refering to her as "the warden") "This is punishment, not shoreleave." (VOY: "Thirty Days")
Chellick: "We're healers, not killers." (VOY: "Critical Care")
Kathryn Janeway: "This is a starship, not a nature preserve." (VOY: "Someone to Watch Over Me")
Nechani Magistrate: "I'm an official of the government, not a spiritual leader." (VOY: "Sacred Ground")

Enterprise

Jonathan Archer: "We're visitors, not spies." (ENT: "The Communicator")
T'Pol: "This isn't shore leave, this is a research mission." (ENT: "Strange New World")
Phlox: "I need to think like an engineer, not a physician." (ENT: "Regeneration")
T'Pau: "He doesn't need a physician, he needs a priest." (ENT: "Kir'Shara")

Apocrypha

DeForest Kelley: "I'm an actor, not a doctor."
Quark: "You're a doctor, not a gambler". (The Big Game)
Kira: "I thought you were a doctor, not a hacker." (Proud Helios 260)
Miles O'Brien: "Dr. Bashir, you're a doctor, not a first-contact specialist." (Valhalla 19)
McCoy: "You're a doctor, not a Horta." (The Return 268) talking to Bashir.
EMH: "I'm a doctor, not a computer." (Avenger 350)
EMH as McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not an interior designer." (Avenger 351)
McCoy: "I'm a Doctor, not a target." (Star Trek: Judgment Rites)
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not a sideshow." (Avenger 354)
McCoy: "I'm a doctor, not an engineer!" (Star Trek Online) Series 2 - Episode 4 : Everything Old Is New Again
EMH: "I'm a doctor, not an archaeologist." (Wildfire 118)
EMH: "I'm a doctor, not a concierge." (A Time to Sow 135)
EMH: "I'm a doctor, NOT a Space Marine!" (Star Trek: Voyager: Elite Force)
EMH: "I am an Emergency Medical Hologram, not a miracle worker!" (Star Trek Online) During Khitomer Crisis Mission after character creation
EMH Mark II: "I'm a doctor, not a quantum mechanic!" (Spectre 212)
Brex: "Damn it Jim, I'm an engineer, not a conversationalist!" (Star Trek: Bridge Commander)
Jean-Luc Picard: "I'm an explorer, Donald, not a warrior." (The Buried Age 97)
Q: "Well, what did you expect? He's a doctor, not a security officer." (Star Trek: Borg) referring to Dr. Thaddeus Quint

Prior Art

While the character of Dr. McCoy arguably made the phrase "I'm a doctor ..." part of the common lexicon, he was not the first fictional doctor, or even the first character on the big screen, to coin the phrase. In the 1933 American film The Kennel Murder Case, Dr. Doremus, the coroner at the scene of the titular crime, states "I'm a doctor, not a magician," and "I'm a doctor, not a detective," within five minutes of his first appearance. The latter line was also uttered by Dr. Fortescue, played by George Zucco, in the 1949 version of The Secret Garden. It is unclear whether these particular dialog artifacts were progenitors of McCoy's famous phrase.

"I'm a [whatever] not a [whatever]" is also a Yiddish idiom, most commonly "I'm a [whatever,] not a rabbi."

External links

I'm a doctor, not a... YouTube video
I'm a Doctor, Not a Placeholder TV Tropes page showing the phrase's influence outside Star Trek

@@ Line 12: / Line 12: @@
 ::...to which Kirk replies, "You're a healer, there's a patient.  That's an order."
 *"I'm a surgeon, not a [[Psychiatry|psychiatrist]]." ({{TOS|The City on the Edge of Forever}})
-:''In the episode {{e|Court Martial}}, Doctor McCoy is called as an expert witness in space psychology. Psychology and Psychiatry are completely different, however''.
 *"I'm not a [[Theoretical scientist|scientist]] or a [[Physics|physicist]], Mr. [[Spock]]..." ({{TOS|Metamorphosis}})
 *"Look, I'm a doctor, not an [[escalator]]." ({{TOS|Friday's Child}})
@@ Line 34: / Line 33: @@
 === Dr. [[Julian Bashir]] ===
 *"Garak, I'm a doctor, not..." meaning a spy or an investigator, but [[Elim Garak|Garak]] interrupted him. ({{DS9|Past Prologue}})
 *Garak says "I'm no more a spy than you are..." Julian interrupts, saying "A doctor." ({{DS9|Cardassians}})
 *"I'm a doctor, not a [[Botany|botanist]]." ({{DS9|The Wire}})
@@ Line 83: / Line 82: @@
 ;[[Kellin (Crewman)|Crewman Kellin]]: "I'm sorry [[captain]], but I'm an [[engineer]], not a [[magician]]." ({{DS9|The Siege of AR-558}})
 ;[[Gilora Rejal]]: "We're [[scientist]]s, not [[diplomat]]s." ({{DS9|Destiny}})
-;[[Martok]]: "Why? You're a [[bartender]], not a [[warrior]]." ({{DS9|Shadows and Symbols}})
+;[[Martok]]: "Why? You're a [[bartender]], not a [[warrior]]." ({{DS9|Shadows and Symbols}}, to [[Quark]])
 ;[[Miles O'Brien]]: "I'm an engineer, not a [[philosopher]]." ({{DS9|It's Only a Paper Moon}})
 ;[[Odo]]: "I'm a [[security chief]], not a [[combat pilot]]." ({{DS9|Vortex}})<br />"This is work, not recreation." ({{DS9|The Ascent}})<br />"I'm a [[changeling]], not a [[solid]]." ({{DS9|In Purgatory's Shadow}})<br />"I'm not a [[God]], I'm a [[security officer]]." ({{DS9|Treachery, Faith and the Great River}})
@@ Line 90: / Line 89: @@
 ;[[Julius Eaton]]: "Calm down dear boy. We're [[writer]]s, not [[Viking]]s." ({{DS9|Far Beyond the Stars}})
 ;[[Worf]] : "I am a warrior, not a [[murder]]er." ({{DS9|Broken Link}})
-;[[Quark]]: "You're asking me? You're the [[Bajoran Resistance|terrorist]], I'm just a bartender." ({{DS9|Favor the Bold}}, to Major Kira)
+;Quark: "You're asking me? You're the [[Bajoran Resistance|terrorist]], I'm just a bartender." ({{DS9|Favor the Bold}}, to Major Kira)
 ===== ''Voyager'' =====
@@ Line 113: / Line 112: @@
 ===== ''Enterprise'' =====
+;[[Jonathan Archer]] : "We're visitors, not spies." ({{ENT|The Communicator}})
+;[[T'Pol]] : "This isn't [[shore leave]], this is a research mission." ({{ENT|Strange New World}})
+;[[Phlox]] : "I need to think like an engineer, not a physician." ({{ENT|Regeneration}})
 ;[[T'Pau]] : "He doesn't need a [[physician]], he needs a [[priest]]." ({{ENT|Kir'Shara}})
@@ Line 147: / Line 149: @@
 == External links ==
 *[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGMLCxKPMSE I'm a doctor, not a...] YouTube video
+*[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ImADoctorNotAPlaceholder I'm a Doctor, Not a Placeholder] TV Tropes page showing the phrase's influence outside ''[[Star Trek]]''
 [[cs:Jsem doktor, ne ...]]